In a recent interview with E! News, Nicki Minaj revealed the challenges she’s faced since becoming a mother to her 2-year-old son, whom she affectionately calls “Papa Bear.”

The 39-year-old rapper shared that motherhood has brought about increased anxiety for her, admitting that she feels deeply attached to her son. Minaj, who welcomed her first child with husband Kenneth “Zoo” Petty in September 2020, described the heart-wrenching experience of being away from her son, confessing that it often feels like her “heart is being ripped out” whenever they are apart.

Recalling a particularly emotional moment while traveling in the U.K., Minaj revealed that she couldn’t help but break down in tears. Even simple tasks like FaceTiming her son can evoke strong emotions, making it difficult for her to put the phone down afterward.

Despite her anxiety, Minaj shared that she has chosen not to hire a nanny for her son, citing cultural reasons and the desire to be more hands-on as a mother. She emphasized that while she respects other mothers’ choices to hire help, she personally feels a need to overcome any stigma attached to not having a nanny.

Expressing her fears about leaving her son, Minaj revealed the constant worry of receiving a distressing phone call in her absence. She acknowledged the pressure that mothers often feel to be perfect and admitted to grappling with guilt over the idea of not providing her son with siblings.

However, amidst her struggles, Minaj’s love for her son shines through. On his first birthday, she shared heartfelt sentiments on Instagram, expressing pride and gratitude for her “Papa Bear.” She emphasized that motherhood has changed her profoundly, echoing sentiments she previously shared on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

Minaj’s candid revelations shed light on the complex emotions and challenges that come with motherhood, offering a glimpse into her personal journey as a parent.