The βAs it Was” singer described a moment after he left the band that made him feel so βfreeβ about his π eπ₯uality that he burst into tears.
Harry StylesΒ is aware that he comes off as charming as a beautifully lit Instagram image of a puppy carelessly playing in a pile of freshly fallen autumn leaves. But the βWatermelon Sugarβ singer revealed toΒ Better Homes and GardensΒ in a profile published Tuesday that the foundation of this likable image was contrived early on in his career as a member of One Direction β and it made him feel like he couldnβt live his life authentically.
βIn lockdown, I started processing a lot of stuff that happened when I was in the band,β he told the magazine, noting the way he was encouraged to give so much of himself away, βto get people to engage with you, to like you.β
Harry Styles attends the Grammy Awards in 2021.KEVIN MAZUR VIA GETTY IMAGES
But due to cleanliness clauses in the contracts he signed while in One Direction β which would be null and void if he did anything perceived as distasteful β Styles felt for a long time that he was carefully curating certain aspects of his life that would appeal to the public. This did not include π eπ₯, which led Styles to have conflicting feelings about intimacy and love.
βFor a long time, it felt like the only thing that was mine was my π eπ₯ life. I felt so ashamed about it, ashamed at the idea of people even knowing that I was having π eπ₯, let alone who with,β he told the publication.
It also affected whom he felt safe to date.
βAt the time, there were still the kiss-and-tell things. Working out who I could trust was stressful,β Styles said. βBut I think I got to a place where I was like, why do I feel ashamed? Iβm a 26-year-old man whoβs single; itβs like, yes, I have π eπ₯.β
Styles had many high-profile relationships while he was in One Direction from 2010 to aroundΒ 2015, datingΒ Taylor Swift,Β Kendall JennerΒ and Caroline Flack β a presenter on βThe X Factor,β the show that Styles got his start on.
Styles dated Flack briefly in 2011 when he was 17 and she was 31, according toΒ NME.
Styles and Olivia Wilde in London last month.NEIL MOCKFORD VIA GETTY IMAGES
Styles, 28, is now dating actor and director Olivia Wilde, 36, and he has been private about their relationship. Styles did tell SiriusXMβs βThe Morning Mash Upβ in April, however, that he feels βreally happy at the moment.β
βI feel like itβs the first time I feel like Iβm kind of making music and putting music out from a real place of kind of personal freedom,β he told the show.
Some of this personal freedom Styles currently feels may also be due to the lack of cleanliness clauses in his life.
Styles told Better Homes and Gardens that when he signed his first contact as a solo artist and found out there wasnβt a cleanliness clause, he burst into tears.
βI felt free,β he told the magazine.
To read Stylesβ full profile β which also talks about his views on labeling his π eπ₯uality β head over toΒ Better Homes and Gardens.
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